Update

I talk and talk about moving out now, threatening anyone who'll listen. Of course, with the exception of my parents. Yet, for all of my threats, I am still staying at home here. Just the idea of calling a place that doesn't house the rest of my family my home is unsettling. It's scary, as I've said time and time again, and I can't quite get over that hump. I'm afraid that I will make a mistake. I am afraid that I won't be able to survive on my own, and I don't want to lean on anyone else. I want to be independent. I just don't know what to do; I keep going back and forth. In all reality, I am not sure why I can't just make a decision. Why can I not get over my fear in this instance?

In spite of my confusion, I received some wonderful news yesterday. I've been accepted at college! I am going to start my vet tech program in the fall. I can hardly wait. I want to get everything all set up and done. I am so thrilled I can hardly see straight. On top of that, there are work-study programs that the school of my choice offers. These programs have salaries starting at a $0.50 raise from my current salary, and 10-20 hours a week guaranteed, in fact required. That is just about exactly what I was looking for. It would be ideal to get a job that will be flexible with my school schedule, and also pay gobs more than I already make. Of course, I doubt that I'll actually qualify. However, it is worth a shot.

I'm going hiking tomorrow with the boyfriend. At least I hope so. Every time we've planned a trip like this, something has gone wrong. The last time it happened, my car got broken in to. So we shall see. Other than that, though, I'm planning on staying the entire weekend with him for the first time. Kind of a test run for moving in, perhaps? I can hardly base the entire idea on a single weekend, of course, and especially one with a week like we've had. We have hardly seen each other, it seems. At least, though, I'll know for sure how well I can use the restroom for more pressing issues. I am sure that makes no sense to you, but I know what I mean, and it is a big obstacle for moving anywhere with someone else.

Cross your fingers for me!

A Short Post?!

My mother and I sat down and talked about Brian and the pow-wow more in depth the other day. She shocked me even more than before. He is, she says, a very nice man. She can tell that he really cares about me just by the way he talks about me. One of her biggest points against him was his claim to be a virgin when he met me. She now says that, though she still doesn't believe in his virginity, she things that he at least wishes he was. We were talking about something, I can't remember what it was, and I was busy trying to be smart about the situation, degrading it and spouting disbelief. "I try so hard to be cynical." I chuckled. Mom turned to me then with a strange look in her eyes, "I know you do. You're going to be. But he'll be around for a while, and you'll start to learn not to. You'll be cynical less and less until, eventually, you'll forget why you were even cynical in the first place." I felt all teary-eyed at that statement. I'm not sure exactly what he said that changed her mind so thoroughly, but whatever it was, it worked.

He came to our Independence Day "party." It was interesting; relaxed, even slightly awkward, but interesting. It went well. I was thrilled to have my family together, and to have Brian there with me. Mom took a few pictures, one of which is my new display picture. He's been invited to cake and ice cream on my birthday, too. Yay! We'll see how that goes.