Plans? What Plans?

I feel as if I'm in a funk. Not quite depressed. Just not all there. I have a tightness in my chest and a nearly permanent scowl that I just can't shake without effort. I find myself lost in thought nearly all the time, and most of the time I can't recall quite what I was thinking about when I'm startled from my reverie. I can't quite put my finger on the source of the issue, though.

I did not end up going hiking with the boyfriend, nor did I spend the weekend with him as I planned. I was in trouble, as seems to be the natural state of things anymore. I don't quite remember what I did, so apparently it wasn't all that important. It was probably about spending my free time with him. It usually is.

Friday night was spent with him, as it usually is, performing some dork-ish rite with him and the majority of his friends, or at least the regular ones. Saturday morning I came home and relaxed, excited at the prospect of the evening my parents had planned. All week my mother had been talking about having a "family night," but inviting my boyfriend and my brother's girlfriend to join us. She said that it was about time that we started including other people. I was thrilled; the plans were made. The time I spent at work dragged on, and I seemed to move at super-speed as I tried to rush the day along. This, I thought, was going to be a blast! As soon as work was over, however, I flipped my phone on and rushed to the car, only to find a text message from my mother. It said that what he said yesterday on our hike with the boys really hurt them, and that he was no longer welcome in her home. It told me, again, that I had to make a choice.

It turns out that he made a comment about feces on his shoe, something snarky about "I wonder where this came from," which we both giggled about. I made a joke to the effect of "so that's why you don't like coming over." The boys heard this joke, and brought it to my mother's attention over dinner. So, of course, her first response is "you must choose." I don't quite understand why she has to demand a choice every time she gets miffed at him. He was uninvited, and "family time" ended up " Mom, Dad, and Liv" time. The boys and the girlfriend disappeared.

I did talk to Mom about the situation, however. I kept my cool and tried to explain that I didn't think the boyfriend meant anything by the comment, that the issues were solely his sense of humor and nothing more. She seemed to take this to heart, and it looks like the crisis was averted. Though I'm not sure about whether or not he's invited to the house ever again, at least there wasn't yelling and that sort of thing.

When I told the boyfriend about what happened today, though, as we laid on the couch, he made no comment at first. Instead, he frowned and tried to pretend he wasn't. I have a feeling that he was upset by this, if only slightly, that his feelings were hurt. I moved on with the story, making him crack a smile and laugh a little as I continued, and then I changed the subject. However, he changed it back abruptly, and the first thing that came out of his mouth about the issue was "I think it's because of your 'that's why you don't come over' comment." This bothered me, quite frankly. I was hurt that the first thing he said about the subject promptly pointed the finger cleanly at me, without taking any responsibility about the situation for himself. I'm well aware that everything is my fault, I do not need his help accepting this. I would have appreciated it if he hadn't made the comment. I want his honesty, yes, but I don't think that was necessary. Even so, it was said. I responded with "Yes, I know it's all my fault. But thanks for pointing that out, hun." There was no argument, just a nod, and he moved on with the conversation. I excused myself, citing that I needed to go home.

I'm frustrated.