Flip Flop

My stomach feels tight today, tied in knots brought about by the knowledge of the reaction I am certain to receive for what I am about to accomplish. I am going to inform my mother of my plan to remove myself from the family home, and I am going to do this tonight after work. I am almost certain it is going to be a painful battle for both of us, and fear of this outcome is keeping me unsteady today. Work will be terrible, I know; watching the clock and understanding what each minute means. Each minute brings me closer to the battle. Each minute brings me closer to home. It is almost stage fright, what grips me. As if I know I have not rehearsed enough and my performance will be met with anger and flying fruit. More likely, other things will be flying through the air. None of them, however will be anywhere near the figurative rotten tomato. Instead, I will come out bruised and broken.

I don't want to hurt her, or damage our relationship. Nor do I want to hurt my brothers, nor my father. However, it has to happen some time, doesn't it? I can't stay here for the rest of my life. I can afford this now, and there is no reason for me to be a financial burden on them. I am certain that the thing that will throw a wrench in the workings will be the fact that I am still taking my vacation. It will seem as though this is the only reason for leaving. It will seem as though I do not like them. No matter how I try to explain that this is not the case, my mother will latch on to this.

I just hope it goes well.