On Lemons

I'm pretty sure most of us have heard the old adage "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade", right? A simple mantra touted by the "silver lining"-ists, the optimists of this world, quoted and re-quoted until it means absolutely nothing important, to remind humanity in general to "keep it positive." Great, fantastic, wonderful; a wondrous message of hope in the dreary hum-drum of the world.

Now we take someone like me; when life gives me lemons, I eat 'em. And I like it. Or, at least, I do my very best to enjoy the sour along with the sweet. I don't try to make a bad situation better. I wallow in the bad situation, because I know that it could always be worse. That it will always be worse. I wouldn't consider myself a pessimist; I do believe in life in general. I believe things work out, eventually, if you're patient enough. I believe there's good in every situation, be it good intention or good outcome, through learning or otherwise. But I also know, from personal experience, that there will always be something else waiting around the corner. There's always another rush of issues, another avalanche of drama, if you will. Plus, I like lemons. The real fruit, not the philosophical one.

Now what happens when life gives you lemonade? An optimist would, of course, take the lemonade as a sign that things really are good. They would drink up without question. Right? But someone like me? No, I take the lemonade and commence searching for lemons. If none appear, I make said lemons up. Yes, imaginary philosophical lemons. Does it get any more redundant than that? Bear with me.

What I'm saying here, in a roundabout way, is that I sabotage myself and my happiness because I'm too busy looking for the drama, looking for the issues. I'm too busy looking for the heartbreak. There always is some, of course. For the most part, however, it is for one reason and one reason alone; I make it so. So these imaginary philosophical lemons become real philosophical lemons.

I'm sure by this point you're wondering what relevance, if any, this has to anything. Trust me, my dear sweet non-existent reader. There is a reason for this. My lemon-searching seems to have dissipated in one instance. I have this boyfriend, you see. For once in my life, I am happy with something, with someone, and I am not looking for the issues. I am not anticipating hurdles. I am happy where I am, and I am not looking for a reason to go anywhere else. I find myself taking the situation as it comes, and dealing with it. I'm not consistently terrified by the idea that perhaps, someday, he will realize I am not worth it.

I am content here. Lemons or no lemons.

For once, I am not afraid.