Rain and ice is tinkling quietly on my windowpane, echoing through the silent darkness. My feet are so cold they burn from standing on the tiny balls of hail, the rain falling over me, as I watched my mother drive away. Her last words "This is it. This is the last time."
Though this is not the first time this has happened, it never fails to shake me. What if she's not lying this time? What if she doesn't come back? Doubt always attacks me like Krill in the darkness. (Ya, Gears of War reference :P)
I wonder...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
On Dating and Disaster
Last night, the shit hit the fan again.
I know what you're thinking. What are you talking about?
I'm going to tell you! But first there is some back story necessary!
Cool Bro has had a number of girlfriends, most of them after we moved here about a year ago. He always has girls fawning all over him. He's so cuuute, he's so sweeeet, he's so dreamy, right? What can I say, he's popular. However, most of his girlfriends have been bitchy, stuck up, and full of themselves. They use him, they control him, they lie to him, they just take and take and take and take. On top of that, they're not terribly intelligent people. Most teenaged girls aren't, or at least pretend they're not for the sake of boys. These girls have been horrendous to him.
So, a bunch of friends started hanging out around here. One in particular, a seemingly cute, fun, intelligent, sweet girl who I'll call Nurse. Cool Bro was smitten. Enter Fattie.
We have a history with Fattie. We met Fattie soon after we moved here. He lives just across the street, and seemed to be a good friend. He can be the nicest person in the world sometimes. However, he has proven over and over again that he's just out for himself and no one else. One instance, though this has happened many times, sums up the entire relationship; Fattie went skating with a friend of ours. Cool Bro and I could not join him because our mom was napping and we couldn't leave. Fattie, who was planning on hanging out with us all day, left anyway. Okay, fine. However, when he had to return because his mother did not want him at the high school? He called Cool Bro and spent the entire drive home trying to convince him not to leave with the other friend, because Cool Bro was now allowed. He lied and manipulated. When he didn't get his way, he stormed off and refused to talk to us...until he got bored and wanted something to do. Which was a couple hours. He uses us solely as a means for escape; when he's got nothing better to do, he comes over and hangs out with us. Which is still a good amount of time. But still, he is consistently trying to find something better to do in front of us at our house, making promises to stay the night, and getting mad when he can't come back drunk. Before you go all psychological on me, yes I know that he's probably running from something, and has a hard life. But that does not give him the right to treat us the way he does, to say the things he does on a regular basis, and it does not mean we have to take it. Regardless...
So, Cool Bro and Fattie had a chat at the beginning of all this. Fattie liked Nurse. Cool Bro liked Nurse. Cool Bro told Fattie during the first chat that, if Fattie liked her so much, Cool Bro would back off. A girl isn't worth a fight between bros, he said. Fattie returned with "No, no, it's okay", and things of that nature. So, Cool Bro continued to hang out with her, and to like her more and more. The next conversation rolls around. Cool Bro tells Fattie that he really likes her, and that he wants Fattie to back off, since Fattie does not like her as much as Cool Bro does. Fattie, of course, promises that he will. However, a few days later, Fattie goes back on his word, and starts calling Cool Bro selfish for even suggesting it. His MySpace status began to read things like "o yea ive found the girl that i was looking for!!! i hope it doesnt hurt anyone..." Uhm...duh! He was putting it up there to feel better about what he was doing.
So, last night, Fattie and Nurse went on a date. Fattie came over just before the date, while texting Nurse about it, and lied to us, telling us that his mom was going. We can tell when he lies, he's not very good at it. Regardless, we let it go. Cool Bro went over to Fattie's house a little later in the evening, thinking that he had to be home after all this time. Lo and behold, Fattie's mom is there. So, Cool Bro calls him. He stays casual, of course, doesn't tell Fattie that he knows he's lying. Fattie says that he's outside smoking. Scott asks where his mom is, and he says that his mom didn't come with him, but Fattie's brother and his brother's girlfriend. Both of whom are standing in the room with Cool Boy. Needless to say, he was pissed. Not that they went on a date, but that he lied...multiple times!
But wait, there's more! Later that night, Fattie invites Cool Bro over to hang out. I went with him. There was another friend there for a teensy bit of time, but then it was just Cool Bro, Nurse, Fattie, and I. It was a "rub it in your face" session. Fattie was all over Nurse. Not that it was not reciprocated. It was obvious that something was going on. How heartless can you be, regardless of everything else? I mean seriously...I can understand the not backing off, though going back on your word bothers me, he did not have to agree. But then to go on a date...lie about it...and invite the BEST FRIEND who you call your BROTHER over to rub it in his face that you're dating the girl?! What the HELL!? Then, when Cool Bro confronted him, later that night, he played dumb, like always. "Why is it such a big deal?! You said we were like brothers!"...that sort of thing. I have never been this pissed in my entire life. Not once. I want to beat the living daylights out of the kid. Over and over and over again. I'm kind of scared, in a way, because I don't think I can control myself if I see him and not attack him. If I see him, I am going to hit him. I don't understand how you could do something like that to someone you call family. It makes no sense to me.
TYOB was suicidal last night, or so he claimed. I dunno, in my experience, people who whine about it are lying about it. Of course, by the same token, he didn't whine in the same manner. It was a suggestion. I'm worried, to say the least. I feel guilty in a lot of ways, I feel like I've driven him to it. But, by the same token, he was that way before I met him. If there's nothing in his life that's worth it, he either needs to get help to see that there are things, or he needs to do it, I suppose. There is no "well maybe". Though that sounds really bad. I feel so guilty! But, again, if I do as he wants, if I date him, it's not going to fix the problem. It's only going to put a band-aid on a bigger issue; his self-esteem is wrapped up in either controlling other people, or who he's dating. Either way, it needs to change. Plus, it would only make it worse if I lied to him and told him that I wanted to date him. I do love him. But I don't want to be with him. He's not the right person for me.
Good news, though, Popeye asked me out ^_^ He hasn't dated anyone in over a year, and hasn't done the online thing for 2. I can vouch for it, too, 'cause I've known him since before that :D Though it frustrates me because I can't get a date in real life, I am happy with him. He's so wonderful ^_^ We get along so well. Though, I suppose I have only been dating him for 5 days. But still. We've gotten along for three years prior to this; I met him when we were 14. I love him ^_^ He's coming to visit later this year, hopefully, regardless of dating status. The dating is kind of a trial basis for both of us. We're not sure about the whole online dating thing. But we're good friends, and will remain so as long as things remain peaceful. I suppose there can never be 100% certainty with these things, but I can't foresee him doing anything that would make me not want to be his friend. Of course, again, there's no way to tell for sure. ^_^ I gots me an Aussie. :D Smexyful ;)
I know what you're thinking. What are you talking about?
I'm going to tell you! But first there is some back story necessary!
Cool Bro has had a number of girlfriends, most of them after we moved here about a year ago. He always has girls fawning all over him. He's so cuuute, he's so sweeeet, he's so dreamy, right? What can I say, he's popular. However, most of his girlfriends have been bitchy, stuck up, and full of themselves. They use him, they control him, they lie to him, they just take and take and take and take. On top of that, they're not terribly intelligent people. Most teenaged girls aren't, or at least pretend they're not for the sake of boys. These girls have been horrendous to him.
So, a bunch of friends started hanging out around here. One in particular, a seemingly cute, fun, intelligent, sweet girl who I'll call Nurse. Cool Bro was smitten. Enter Fattie.
We have a history with Fattie. We met Fattie soon after we moved here. He lives just across the street, and seemed to be a good friend. He can be the nicest person in the world sometimes. However, he has proven over and over again that he's just out for himself and no one else. One instance, though this has happened many times, sums up the entire relationship; Fattie went skating with a friend of ours. Cool Bro and I could not join him because our mom was napping and we couldn't leave. Fattie, who was planning on hanging out with us all day, left anyway. Okay, fine. However, when he had to return because his mother did not want him at the high school? He called Cool Bro and spent the entire drive home trying to convince him not to leave with the other friend, because Cool Bro was now allowed. He lied and manipulated. When he didn't get his way, he stormed off and refused to talk to us...until he got bored and wanted something to do. Which was a couple hours. He uses us solely as a means for escape; when he's got nothing better to do, he comes over and hangs out with us. Which is still a good amount of time. But still, he is consistently trying to find something better to do in front of us at our house, making promises to stay the night, and getting mad when he can't come back drunk. Before you go all psychological on me, yes I know that he's probably running from something, and has a hard life. But that does not give him the right to treat us the way he does, to say the things he does on a regular basis, and it does not mean we have to take it. Regardless...
So, Cool Bro and Fattie had a chat at the beginning of all this. Fattie liked Nurse. Cool Bro liked Nurse. Cool Bro told Fattie during the first chat that, if Fattie liked her so much, Cool Bro would back off. A girl isn't worth a fight between bros, he said. Fattie returned with "No, no, it's okay", and things of that nature. So, Cool Bro continued to hang out with her, and to like her more and more. The next conversation rolls around. Cool Bro tells Fattie that he really likes her, and that he wants Fattie to back off, since Fattie does not like her as much as Cool Bro does. Fattie, of course, promises that he will. However, a few days later, Fattie goes back on his word, and starts calling Cool Bro selfish for even suggesting it. His MySpace status began to read things like "o yea ive found the girl that i was looking for!!! i hope it doesnt hurt anyone..." Uhm...duh! He was putting it up there to feel better about what he was doing.
So, last night, Fattie and Nurse went on a date. Fattie came over just before the date, while texting Nurse about it, and lied to us, telling us that his mom was going. We can tell when he lies, he's not very good at it. Regardless, we let it go. Cool Bro went over to Fattie's house a little later in the evening, thinking that he had to be home after all this time. Lo and behold, Fattie's mom is there. So, Cool Bro calls him. He stays casual, of course, doesn't tell Fattie that he knows he's lying. Fattie says that he's outside smoking. Scott asks where his mom is, and he says that his mom didn't come with him, but Fattie's brother and his brother's girlfriend. Both of whom are standing in the room with Cool Boy. Needless to say, he was pissed. Not that they went on a date, but that he lied...multiple times!
But wait, there's more! Later that night, Fattie invites Cool Bro over to hang out. I went with him. There was another friend there for a teensy bit of time, but then it was just Cool Bro, Nurse, Fattie, and I. It was a "rub it in your face" session. Fattie was all over Nurse. Not that it was not reciprocated. It was obvious that something was going on. How heartless can you be, regardless of everything else? I mean seriously...I can understand the not backing off, though going back on your word bothers me, he did not have to agree. But then to go on a date...lie about it...and invite the BEST FRIEND who you call your BROTHER over to rub it in his face that you're dating the girl?! What the HELL!? Then, when Cool Bro confronted him, later that night, he played dumb, like always. "Why is it such a big deal?! You said we were like brothers!"...that sort of thing. I have never been this pissed in my entire life. Not once. I want to beat the living daylights out of the kid. Over and over and over again. I'm kind of scared, in a way, because I don't think I can control myself if I see him and not attack him. If I see him, I am going to hit him. I don't understand how you could do something like that to someone you call family. It makes no sense to me.
TYOB was suicidal last night, or so he claimed. I dunno, in my experience, people who whine about it are lying about it. Of course, by the same token, he didn't whine in the same manner. It was a suggestion. I'm worried, to say the least. I feel guilty in a lot of ways, I feel like I've driven him to it. But, by the same token, he was that way before I met him. If there's nothing in his life that's worth it, he either needs to get help to see that there are things, or he needs to do it, I suppose. There is no "well maybe". Though that sounds really bad. I feel so guilty! But, again, if I do as he wants, if I date him, it's not going to fix the problem. It's only going to put a band-aid on a bigger issue; his self-esteem is wrapped up in either controlling other people, or who he's dating. Either way, it needs to change. Plus, it would only make it worse if I lied to him and told him that I wanted to date him. I do love him. But I don't want to be with him. He's not the right person for me.
Good news, though, Popeye asked me out ^_^ He hasn't dated anyone in over a year, and hasn't done the online thing for 2. I can vouch for it, too, 'cause I've known him since before that :D Though it frustrates me because I can't get a date in real life, I am happy with him. He's so wonderful ^_^ We get along so well. Though, I suppose I have only been dating him for 5 days. But still. We've gotten along for three years prior to this; I met him when we were 14. I love him ^_^ He's coming to visit later this year, hopefully, regardless of dating status. The dating is kind of a trial basis for both of us. We're not sure about the whole online dating thing. But we're good friends, and will remain so as long as things remain peaceful. I suppose there can never be 100% certainty with these things, but I can't foresee him doing anything that would make me not want to be his friend. Of course, again, there's no way to tell for sure. ^_^ I gots me an Aussie. :D Smexyful ;)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hypothetically...
"Hypothetically, what would you say if I were to tell you I was falling for you?"
Popeye said this to me today, just about half an hour ago. I'm still reeling. Popeye...my bestbestbest friend. Oh it's wonderful :) He won't date me, but it is still kind of nice to know that I'm fall worthy.
Though, in a way, it is a bit frustrating. The only guys who like me are ten thousand miles away. That does not speak well for my character, does it? It is frustrating in a way. The only way for me to get a date, it seems, is to date people who I have never met, can never touch, or see...essentially not knowing them until my wedding day, should that ever decide to happen. *sigh*
I've been hanging out with a bunch of my brother's friends the past couple days, which is pretty cool :) They're nice people, and they're fun. We kind of have a group thing going on. My biggest issue is the whole "pot" thing...all of them smoke pot, and it bothers me. I feel very...out of the loop. I don't smoke...ever...I feel very out of place in a lot of ways. We'll just see how it goes. But for now, I'm just hanging out with them.
Popeye said this to me today, just about half an hour ago. I'm still reeling. Popeye...my bestbestbest friend. Oh it's wonderful :) He won't date me, but it is still kind of nice to know that I'm fall worthy.
Though, in a way, it is a bit frustrating. The only guys who like me are ten thousand miles away. That does not speak well for my character, does it? It is frustrating in a way. The only way for me to get a date, it seems, is to date people who I have never met, can never touch, or see...essentially not knowing them until my wedding day, should that ever decide to happen. *sigh*
I've been hanging out with a bunch of my brother's friends the past couple days, which is pretty cool :) They're nice people, and they're fun. We kind of have a group thing going on. My biggest issue is the whole "pot" thing...all of them smoke pot, and it bothers me. I feel very...out of the loop. I don't smoke...ever...I feel very out of place in a lot of ways. We'll just see how it goes. But for now, I'm just hanging out with them.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Okay, So I'm a Bitch...
Yeah, last night, after hours of confusion, frustration, and loneliness, hours of wondering what, if anything, to do, I did something. Rather than calling Car-Boy and screaming, I just sent him a delightful little AIM message. It read, basically, as follows:
"Hey...so...y'know...if you tell me that you're too busy and tired to hang out with me...you might not want to invite my brother out to a movie. Kinda blows your cover, no? :) How's about we try something here...ready? "I don't want to hang out with you"....there, wasn't that easy? I swear it works SO much better! :D Anywho, sleep well. :) Have a GREAT weekend, and have a GREAT week at school :) Toodles :)"
Sarcastic and bitchy enough? I thought it was. I was rather proud that I stood up and said something rather than just shutting up and letting it go. To an extent. Now that I've been pissed off, it's time to let it go :) But, I've ranted enough. It's over now.
Today is Saturday. I wonder what I'm watching Cool Bro do today.
Today is Saturday. I wonder what I'm watching Cool Bro do today.
Friday, January 18, 2008
About a Boy (Or Three)
Remember Car-Boy? Remember how he liked me, but just never seemed to have time for me? Yeah. I had stopped going out of my way to contact him. So, the other day he texted me out of nowhere. Good sign, no? We didn't have a very long conversation, but it was better than nothing, right? There were niceties exchanged, "How have you been, how were exams, etc." and then I said "We need to hang out soon! :)" There is silence for several minutes, during which my stomach is flipping and flopping all over the place. Finally, I hear the tell-tale Mario theme song, and flip my phone open. He tells me that he's busy Friday (today), he's working, and he'll be too tired to come over after work. I respond with an "it's okay" and "I think I'm busy tomorrow, anyway. Maybe later in the weekend? hehe" So...after work, he's exhausted, right? And he calls my brother and invites him and his friend, while they are sitting at my house, right next to me, to the movies. How dumb does he think I am? "I like you, I want to hang out with you"...but I'm too busy, I'm always working. Until I want to go see a movie with your brother. That's fine. Seriously. Duh, lol.
Mr. Scientist, my friend from a while ago. Remember me talking about him? Yeah, so I went over to his house, despite my fear about it, and hung out with him for a while. Deceptively great, right? He's nice, I suppose. The problem would be that he seems to treat me more as a pet project than a friend. I am the poor little girl that he hangs out with to help. He is always smarter than I am, always knows more (though I am well aware of nearly every point he brings up), and always has the right answers. I am just poor stupid girl who he is benevolent enough to grace with his presence; I am simply his charity work for the day. Or so it seems. And I remember why I stopped talking to him.
Le (ex) Boyfriend's baby was born on the sixth. Adorable, right? Not too long ago he sent me a one paragraph letter that read as follows:
Mr. Scientist, my friend from a while ago. Remember me talking about him? Yeah, so I went over to his house, despite my fear about it, and hung out with him for a while. Deceptively great, right? He's nice, I suppose. The problem would be that he seems to treat me more as a pet project than a friend. I am the poor little girl that he hangs out with to help. He is always smarter than I am, always knows more (though I am well aware of nearly every point he brings up), and always has the right answers. I am just poor stupid girl who he is benevolent enough to grace with his presence; I am simply his charity work for the day. Or so it seems. And I remember why I stopped talking to him.
Le (ex) Boyfriend's baby was born on the sixth. Adorable, right? Not too long ago he sent me a one paragraph letter that read as follows:
(Me),
I'm sorry things ended up the way they did. But I want you to know, I still truly love you. I wish I could see you and hug you once more, even for a split second. I hope and pray that maybe someday....in the future, we get a chance to start over. I still cry over you. I just want you to know, I care for you deeply.
I will love you
always and forever,
Mr. (Le Boyfriend)
I'm sorry things ended up the way they did. But I want you to know, I still truly love you. I wish I could see you and hug you once more, even for a split second. I hope and pray that maybe someday....in the future, we get a chance to start over. I still cry over you. I just want you to know, I care for you deeply.
I will love you
always and forever,
Mr. (Le Boyfriend)
This came to me through one of the middle school girls this father of 21 hangs out with, with hearts over the i's in my name on the front of the envelope, and doused in cologne so strong that it scented my room. Even better, this is nearly word for word what he was saying to his pregnant ex-girlfriend before we broke up, and just afterward. Before she rejected him, it seems. Wonderful. Then, the mutual middle school friend runs off and tells him my reaction (rolled eyes and groans, I suppose was what she said). His response to this is to write two emo poems about how alone he is and how fake I am (horrid poems, by the way), and a long post about how much a bitch I am...on the middle schooler's MySpace! Really mature, right? Now, he has a blog post about how much he truly loves his ex again, and how sometimes it seems that she still loves him, too, and how he has never been happy without her. He has to force himself to eat, and his only smiles are fake ones so that people don't worry. Bullshit he spouted to me before and during our dating process. He certainly has his story down, huh? Awesome, right?
I am so very frustrated with my entire social situation. I am so lonely, and I am so sick of people only hanging out with me because they are friends with my much cooler brother and I just happen to be there, or because I will do their homework for them, or because I will listen to them talk about their crushes for hours on end and say nothing about anything else. I just wish, for once, someone would like me for me, would want to hang out with me because I'm a cool person. I wish that someone would want to kiss and hold me because they think I'm pretty, and because they like who I am. Not because I'll submit to whatever they say, and keep the bruises a secret because they were given out of love, right? Not because I'm the only one that will. Because they love me, and don't want me to change. Because they like who I am.
But, who am I kidding? Guys don't want to date other guys, and I certainly am no girl. I whine on here more than I do in real life. I like watching football and baseball. I love video games. I'm a nerd, I speak more properly than most people I know. I love to read. I love Dungeons and Dragons. Yet, I am such a dumb blonde (I was born blonde, though my hair has darkened with age). I fall down the stairs regularly out of klutziness, and ask the most retarded questions you have ever heard off of the short bus on a fairly regular basis. I laugh at lewd jokes, and *gasps* I fart! I poop and pee, too...and I am well aware that most organisms on this planet do. I don't know how to put on makeup properly, nor do I care all that much. For the most part, I brush my hair and walk away. If I'm feeling extra fancy, I'll put it up in a ponytail. That's about all I know how to do. I harbor no illusions that I'll ever be anywhere fancy enough to need anything better. I own three pairs of shoes; a pair of sandals, a pair of (worn) tennis shoes, and a pair of boots. The newest of these is the pair of tennis shoes with holes in the soles. I wear t-shirts and jeans all the time, and I am frugal about my clothing. I don't care about fashion. I want to go to the movies and see I Am Legend, Hitman, and The Omen. I neither have seen, nor have the urge to see "The Notebook" or any of it's ilk. Why would someone want to even hang out with me, let alone date me, hug me, kiss me, marry me? Honestly? *sigh* Wewt for a lifetime of loneliness. I'll just go over here and snuggle with my puppy dog :) Cat lady, anyone?
I am so very frustrated with my entire social situation. I am so lonely, and I am so sick of people only hanging out with me because they are friends with my much cooler brother and I just happen to be there, or because I will do their homework for them, or because I will listen to them talk about their crushes for hours on end and say nothing about anything else. I just wish, for once, someone would like me for me, would want to hang out with me because I'm a cool person. I wish that someone would want to kiss and hold me because they think I'm pretty, and because they like who I am. Not because I'll submit to whatever they say, and keep the bruises a secret because they were given out of love, right? Not because I'm the only one that will. Because they love me, and don't want me to change. Because they like who I am.
But, who am I kidding? Guys don't want to date other guys, and I certainly am no girl. I whine on here more than I do in real life. I like watching football and baseball. I love video games. I'm a nerd, I speak more properly than most people I know. I love to read. I love Dungeons and Dragons. Yet, I am such a dumb blonde (I was born blonde, though my hair has darkened with age). I fall down the stairs regularly out of klutziness, and ask the most retarded questions you have ever heard off of the short bus on a fairly regular basis. I laugh at lewd jokes, and *gasps* I fart! I poop and pee, too...and I am well aware that most organisms on this planet do. I don't know how to put on makeup properly, nor do I care all that much. For the most part, I brush my hair and walk away. If I'm feeling extra fancy, I'll put it up in a ponytail. That's about all I know how to do. I harbor no illusions that I'll ever be anywhere fancy enough to need anything better. I own three pairs of shoes; a pair of sandals, a pair of (worn) tennis shoes, and a pair of boots. The newest of these is the pair of tennis shoes with holes in the soles. I wear t-shirts and jeans all the time, and I am frugal about my clothing. I don't care about fashion. I want to go to the movies and see I Am Legend, Hitman, and The Omen. I neither have seen, nor have the urge to see "The Notebook" or any of it's ilk. Why would someone want to even hang out with me, let alone date me, hug me, kiss me, marry me? Honestly? *sigh* Wewt for a lifetime of loneliness. I'll just go over here and snuggle with my puppy dog :) Cat lady, anyone?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Yeesh...
Ruh roh, panic, in the head lights. What am I going to do? We're coming upon a similar issue we had before, that kind of started the whole "life upheaval" thing. And...we're barreling in there. *sigh* Terror has gripped my heart, despite my best efforts.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
10 Days Down, 355 To Go!
So. Yeah. It's the new year! And I feel like a new person. That probably sounds cliche. But it's true. So, I can't change it. A lot has happened over the past couple years, and I after it all...I finally feel content with who I am. Now, teenage hormones might sweep in at any moment and change it. However, right this moment, I think that I'm okay. I'm worth something.
Don't mistunderstand me; there are things I want to change. There are ways I can get better. But, I think I'm okay, anyway.
So, what's changed since I typed at you last?
I dumped Le Boyfriend. I felt he was coming over solely to run from his responsibilities; namely getting a job to support his son. Who, by the way, was born January 6th :-p But, anywho, so he still doesn't have a job, it appears. He's just claiming he is going to get into the police academy. Which probably won't happen, with his driving record (his license was revoked because he didn't pay the tickets) and his mental imbalance. He freaks out about little things with his physical issues, claiming that they're awful all of a sudden when he wants attention. He wants to be taken care of *all the time*! The worst part of it was, after I broke up with him, he was yelling at me (as usual) about being rude when he showed up to get his stuff. So, my mom basically said "don't talk to her anymore" and, not only did he refuse, but he started calling her names. He then called me to yell at me some more, but my mom picked up the phone, so he screamed at her. Just screamed. It was awful. I can deal with you being mean, leaving bruises, and screaming at me. But you stay away from my family with all of that. Gah!
TYOB got a girlfriend for Christmas. A girl asked him out Christmas Eve. I'm glad for him :-) But, I must admit, I do wonder what would have happened had I been just a little bit quicker. I was going to ask him out that evening; I had been mulling it over for a while, and just didn't know how to ask. But, I was too slow. So lately I have been wondering. But, I'm still happy for him; hopefully she makes him happy. I have a feeling he moved in with her; he left NC just recently and wouldn't tell me where he was going. So hopefully she's doing well by him. I want him to be happy.
There's a new guy down the street, Car-boy, who I was hanging out with a bit, and really liked. I call him Car-Boy because I went and helped him clean his car the first time we really hung out. But he stood me up Sunday, and then refused to talk to me. When he finally did, he said that he hadn't had internet for a few days, and didn't think to text me, and that he was so sorry. Except, on Facebook you can see what someone's done (when they leave comments to things, add applications to their page, change things, etc...) and he has been very active over the past few days. So, he's lying, basically, unless someone else is on there. So I am very confused; I thought he liked me, and now he's lying to me and stood me up. Maybe he had a very good reason for it, and just can't talk about it. Who knows. So, back to riding it out and seeing what happens.
An old friend of mine is talking to be again. I have to think of a name for him...he's a paradox in a lot of ways. We were flirting over the summer, and then I got scared of him and ignored him. So, recently contacted me again for no apparent reason. And we've been talking, but it is agreed that we are just friends, at least for now. He's been really nice, and he's quite funny. It's nice to have him back.
Another old friend from my RS days, (ex) friend of TYOB, has popped up recently. Popeye :-) He lives in Australia; I may have mentioned him before, I can't remember. Le Boyfriend called him "(my) Kangaroo" and got mad that I picked that up because it sounded like a pet name. He was VERY suspicious. But anywho, Popeye is lots of fun; he's such a dork, like me! We can sit around and gab about anime and webcomics and video games for HOURS. It's loads of fun. I still need to play Guitar Hero with him online; we haven't gotten around to it yet. But he's a lot of fun. I LERVE him :-p
My mom has been obsessed with this machinima thing on Second Life; she makes music videos by filming (using Fraps) in Second Life. It's fun; I've been in many of them. She's pretty good at it, ESPECIALLY when one considers that she's only been doing it a very short period of time; two weeks or so, I think. Check her out on YouTube; Melodia McD. She just recently lost a very close friend, Kyla Namanari, and did a memorial video for her. Well, part one. There's a party on Friday she's going to to film Part Two, which will be everyone dancing about and laughing, what Kyla asked her partner she tell them to do just before she died. I never even spoke to her, unfortunately. She was an amazing person. But just seeing these people breaking down, and seeing their love for her, makes me mourn her death. I've nearly cried several times about it. Me, lol. My mom has cried a lot about it. The song she used for the memorial also reminds me of TYOB's relationship, before she even used it for this, so it was already a sad song. But, it's beautiful, I think, despite some minor timing issues because of glitches.
Anywho, so I should probably shaddup so that you don't DIE before the end of this, lol.
Don't mistunderstand me; there are things I want to change. There are ways I can get better. But, I think I'm okay, anyway.
So, what's changed since I typed at you last?
I dumped Le Boyfriend. I felt he was coming over solely to run from his responsibilities; namely getting a job to support his son. Who, by the way, was born January 6th :-p But, anywho, so he still doesn't have a job, it appears. He's just claiming he is going to get into the police academy. Which probably won't happen, with his driving record (his license was revoked because he didn't pay the tickets) and his mental imbalance. He freaks out about little things with his physical issues, claiming that they're awful all of a sudden when he wants attention. He wants to be taken care of *all the time*! The worst part of it was, after I broke up with him, he was yelling at me (as usual) about being rude when he showed up to get his stuff. So, my mom basically said "don't talk to her anymore" and, not only did he refuse, but he started calling her names. He then called me to yell at me some more, but my mom picked up the phone, so he screamed at her. Just screamed. It was awful. I can deal with you being mean, leaving bruises, and screaming at me. But you stay away from my family with all of that. Gah!
TYOB got a girlfriend for Christmas. A girl asked him out Christmas Eve. I'm glad for him :-) But, I must admit, I do wonder what would have happened had I been just a little bit quicker. I was going to ask him out that evening; I had been mulling it over for a while, and just didn't know how to ask. But, I was too slow. So lately I have been wondering. But, I'm still happy for him; hopefully she makes him happy. I have a feeling he moved in with her; he left NC just recently and wouldn't tell me where he was going. So hopefully she's doing well by him. I want him to be happy.
There's a new guy down the street, Car-boy, who I was hanging out with a bit, and really liked. I call him Car-Boy because I went and helped him clean his car the first time we really hung out. But he stood me up Sunday, and then refused to talk to me. When he finally did, he said that he hadn't had internet for a few days, and didn't think to text me, and that he was so sorry. Except, on Facebook you can see what someone's done (when they leave comments to things, add applications to their page, change things, etc...) and he has been very active over the past few days. So, he's lying, basically, unless someone else is on there. So I am very confused; I thought he liked me, and now he's lying to me and stood me up. Maybe he had a very good reason for it, and just can't talk about it. Who knows. So, back to riding it out and seeing what happens.
An old friend of mine is talking to be again. I have to think of a name for him...he's a paradox in a lot of ways. We were flirting over the summer, and then I got scared of him and ignored him. So, recently contacted me again for no apparent reason. And we've been talking, but it is agreed that we are just friends, at least for now. He's been really nice, and he's quite funny. It's nice to have him back.
Another old friend from my RS days, (ex) friend of TYOB, has popped up recently. Popeye :-) He lives in Australia; I may have mentioned him before, I can't remember. Le Boyfriend called him "(my) Kangaroo" and got mad that I picked that up because it sounded like a pet name. He was VERY suspicious. But anywho, Popeye is lots of fun; he's such a dork, like me! We can sit around and gab about anime and webcomics and video games for HOURS. It's loads of fun. I still need to play Guitar Hero with him online; we haven't gotten around to it yet. But he's a lot of fun. I LERVE him :-p
My mom has been obsessed with this machinima thing on Second Life; she makes music videos by filming (using Fraps) in Second Life. It's fun; I've been in many of them. She's pretty good at it, ESPECIALLY when one considers that she's only been doing it a very short period of time; two weeks or so, I think. Check her out on YouTube; Melodia McD. She just recently lost a very close friend, Kyla Namanari, and did a memorial video for her. Well, part one. There's a party on Friday she's going to to film Part Two, which will be everyone dancing about and laughing, what Kyla asked her partner she tell them to do just before she died. I never even spoke to her, unfortunately. She was an amazing person. But just seeing these people breaking down, and seeing their love for her, makes me mourn her death. I've nearly cried several times about it. Me, lol. My mom has cried a lot about it. The song she used for the memorial also reminds me of TYOB's relationship, before she even used it for this, so it was already a sad song. But, it's beautiful, I think, despite some minor timing issues because of glitches.
Anywho, so I should probably shaddup so that you don't DIE before the end of this, lol.
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